作者 / Ka Kei Lau，在場 • 非虛構翻譯獎學金得獎者
揣摩著你的意念和思緒穿過障礙和叢林，響起震耳的回聲。鏡中上揚的嘴角，精緻順滑的髮絲，被細心尋找的斑瑕。翻譯反射的並不是不對稱的倒置，而是光流的痕跡——浮現出Kitty的文字、MIRROR的歌詞、盛宴賓客的歡呼從倒影的窗格上反射回來形成了透明光束。翻譯起初的嚴格要求和猶豫不決的選擇，完全被意義飽和的詞語所充斥。
直到意識到，翻譯並不是無縫的同義詞和完美的平行，而是建立一座未經刻意雕飾的橋樑，讓不同的世界、語言走到一起，攜手共進。我希望我的英文翻譯就像鼓舞人心的鏡粉一樣——能夠不斷延伸波長並到達全球各地分散的讀者，共同激情和回憶在期待中歸來，齐聚在柯勒律治如鏡的湖面，清漪泛起浮動搖擺的倒影。
感謝Frontline Fellowship、Kitty Ho、Jennifer Feeley 的啟發性指導，感謝 MIRROR 讓我們建立緊密的聯繫。
是時候「吹廢水」一下了。有時，翻譯感覺就像是超越文本的再生，成為情感渲染的介質。也許是為了保留Kitty散文中的機智和輕快，在描述為追星粉絲所設計的過山車般的心潮起伏時，我也被卷近了螺旋。例如，我忍不住把「我的用情他們無法明了」翻譯成「My love's labors will be lost to them」，因為引用莎士比亞的浪漫喜劇很可能也是用情無法明了，所以對那些遺憾感覺進行了自我指涉。然後激情被壓抑：「我只好將這些無處安放的感情寫成文字，稍稍為清醒時嘗試抽離，以社會學概念作為一把手術刀，冷酷地解剖自己的心理過程」。用英語是：「When I am in a more lucid state of mind, I attempted to detach myself and coolly cut into my psyche from a sociological angle.」 在這裡，「angle」既指學術的角度，也指手術刀的目標或傾斜。我很難決定從翻譯中刪除“手術刀”，因為我也在猶豫要不要姑且用「run a scalpel over my scalp」。這種困境剛好也反映了粉絲壓抑的熱情與冷靜的超然。我應該沉迷於笑傲雲霄，還是應該踩下煞車？這個問題在我思考國際粉絲會怎麼稱呼自己時又出現了。我大膽地翻譯了 Kitty 提到的一些MIRROR個人粉絲的名字，其中包括姜濤粉絲的 「Ginger Kandies」 (薑糖)、呂爵安粉絲的 「Edung」(爵屎) 以及柳應廷粉絲的 「Jer fries」(柳炒) 。這裡請允許我向粉絲們道歉，因為這些翻譯可能不太適用或恰當。然而，我確實覺得如此可愛且充滿個性的他們被限制在「成員粉絲」的通用公式中不是十分準確的。Kitty 讓我們看到 MIRROR 粉絲都是藝術家——富有創造力和令人佩服的積極性和實力。他們的熱情確實感染了我的翻譯，讓我在閱讀和翻譯Kitty的作品時像音樂會上的歌迷一樣，或喜悅或流淚，活潑明亮的文字也隨即褪色為伸手不見五指的漆黑。
Translating this piece is like coming to terms with your reflection. Titivating before a mirror, tweaking each hair, finding imperfections everywhere. But reflection is not an asymmetrical inversion, but the result of light bouncing off — it is the illuminating beam formed from the words of Kitty, the lyrics of MIRROR, and the voices of countless fans that rebounded off the pane of translation. At first, I was strict with myself and dithered among choices to the point of semantic satiation — words retched of meaning. Until I came to realize that translation is not about seamless synonyms and perfect parallels, but building an unfiltered bridge where two languages, two worlds come together and join hands, left in right. I hope my English translation—much like the inspiring MIRROR fandom—could stretch wavelengths and reach scattered readers across the globe, so that passions and recollections "[c]ome trembling back, unite, and now once more/The pool becomes a mirror." Thank you Frontline Fellowship, Kitty Ho, Jennifer Feeley for her luminous guidance, and MIRROR for making our connections happen.
But time for a tangential spew (吹廢水). Sometimes, translation feels like a pastiche that is beyond textual, falling prey to emotional contagion. Perhaps to retain the wit and levity of Kitty's prose when describing the rollercoaster of emotions chartered for a starstruck fan, I began to spiral along the ride. For instance, I couldn't resist translating "我的用情他們無法明暸" as "My love's labors would be lost to them"— a reference to Shakespeare's romantic comedy that could well be in vain is self-referential to these feelings of regret. Then passions are suppressed, suddenly sterile: “我只好將這些無處安放的感情寫成文字，頭腦稍為清醒時嘗試抽離，以社會學概念作為一把手術刀，冷酷地解剖自己的心理過程”. In English: "When I am in a more lucid state of mind, I attempted to detach myself and coolly cut into my psyche from a sociological angle." Here, "angle" points to both cerebral approach and the aim or tilt of a scalpel (手術刀). I struggled with this decision to drop "scalpel" from my translation, for I was also entertaining with another wordplay— "run a scalpel over my scalp". This dilemma is one of instinct and deliberation that reflects a fan's uninhibited passion versus cool detachment. Should I indulge in the loops, or should I put a brake on the hypercoaster? A question to ask myself again when, fantasizing what global fans might call themselves in English, I audaciously translated some of MIRROR's individual fandom names that Kitty mentioned. These include "Ginger Kandies" (姜糖Keung Tong) for Keung To's fans, "Edung" (爵屎cheuk si) for Edan Lui's fans, and "Lau fries" (柳炒Lau Chau) for Jer Lau's fans. I would like to apologize as these translations may not be very applicable or appropriate. I do feel, however, that it does injustice to dampen them into the generic formula of "member's fans" when they are so endearing and full of personality. Kitty has shown us that MIRROR fans are artists—creative, driven, and special. Their passions infected my own translation. Reading and translating Kitty's work, I was like a fan in a concert braying with joy or tears—janus-faced from risible muscles contracting into a melancholic countenance as bright words fade to pitch-black.